American Gold Cup - Recap

Hi Everyone!!!

So here's what's happened since our last post. 

We had Cudo checked over by my vet and decided to inject his hocks. It couldn't hurt and in true Cudo fashion, the simplest thing has helped. He had 10 days off, because let's face it, he's plenty fit and already knows how to jump and we had him pulsed twice to help work those sore muscles out a bit. His poll is improved massively since February and he's physically in much better muscle shape than he's been before. I think the strength work is paying off and I like where we're headed. 

On this past Sunday I took him to our local indoor to school some bigger fences in preparation for the show this weekend. He was a star and we played with up to 1.35 stuff. Not a ton mind you, just enough to flex the big jump muscles and be ready to face our 1.20-1.25 division stuff. 

Video of a bit of that school is here: https://youtu.be/fuFmfFolP-I

Thursday morning we shipped up to the American Gold Cup show early knowing we would be competing around noon time. It's a 4 hour ride but it was longer thanks to some bridge traffic.  Bear with me as my retelling involves hindsight and I think that what I know now colors how I am looking back on the events. First off, this is a BIG DEAL show. The big names were there and I was in quiet a 'big' atmosphere. I don't think I am used to it yet and I can feel myself feel more than a bit like an outsider looking in, and not quite feeling like I belong. Did I mention that I want to see a sports psychologist? That is getting fast tracked now. :)

An amazing thing that happened right off was when the stable manager told me, when I went to check in for our stall, that he was "going to make my weekend" and oh did he. He put us in the one permanent barn on the place, not a tent, with a gorgeous 14x14 stall stabled next to Georgina Bloomberg and with some other really nice outfits. An added benefit to this is that we were the only barn on the grounds that could turn off the lights at night so Cudo enjoyed a LOT of sleeping at this show. I was so grateful and awed. And the other people in the barn were so very kind to me. They I think respected that I was a 1 man band who really did do it all for my horse. 

So we're there, he's in his palace and we have a couple hours to get where we need to be. I go watch some rounds and then walk the course and it looked good to me. I had time so I got down to the collecting ring with time to warm up. And that's when I notice some strange things. Cudo is spooking, a lot, at little things. Guys who come into the collecting ring and pick up any poop as it happens, horses passing the other way, random extra jumps stored off to the side. And he's jumping but he's not taking me to the jumps like normal. Ok so my first thought is the drive may have worn him out. And due to a storm he was in the whole night as well instead of being out like normal. So I am wondering if he's stiff. But time is elapsing and I have to go in the ring. So we go in. 

I thought I had a good pace starting off but hindsight shows we didn't. It was backward. I had mentally prepped myself to really try to get my distances a bit better at this show. Why? Because though I have been getting them mostly I blamed my lack of staying on top of knowing what each line should be for the rail at the team championships and the stop at the mini prix. I want to fix those issues so before I got on I knew all the distances for this class. What I failed to think about/ fix was what happened when the distance you're supposed to have isn't there because you didn't ride right. Ugh. We rode from fence 1 to 2 and as we were at 5 strides I could see that that the 7 it was supposed to be wasn't happening. I pulled, then 8 didn't happen, and I pulled again as Cudo informed me that if you pull that much I am stopping. And stop we did. So I circled and he cleared it no problem. You'd think I would then get out of my head right here and put some petrol in the tank....but no. We went to the next line, fence 3, 6 strides to 4AB. And there I got a 7 and a 2 in a 1 stride, taking down both elements of the in and out. At that point I got mad (at myself) and kicked our butts into gear. But by then there was damage done. I was having to convince Cudo to go jump the damn fences. He wasn't stopping but he was clearly without a lot of his typical confidence. 

You can see the round here:  https://youtu.be/dCpQV0k5noc    

So we walked out of the ring and I was proud because I had gotten him around even though he was clearly upset. But I was equally upset and kicking myself for riding that poorly at this show. I mean at any show that round would suck but McLain Ward had just walked by and there was Rodrigo Pessoa schooling someone in warm up. It was just a "Oh lord let me dig a hole and bury myself in it" moment. 

I did do some right things that day though. I saw that there was some open schooling classes in the adjacent ring and I added us into a 1.15 round for the next day. The timing wouldn't be perfect as it would be after my division class the next morning but hey, I knew he needed a lower round to grab some confidence back and whether it was before or after the other round we were going to go do it. 

So Friday came and with it a ring full of jumps for the Power and Speed class. I don't know if I liked that course better or not all I remember thinking was that ever oxer was really full sized. Not surprising but when you see a ring full of them, well I might have gulped a bit. Additionally part of me wishes I'd paid more attention to the follies of the day before. I got to the collecting ring earlier and in hindsight that was a mistake. Lauren, who I bought him from, has described to me repeatedly that he likes a short warm up with very few jumps. So I am there at least 35 mins before my time and with me are almost all 40 entries in the class. And Cudo is HATING all the horses around him. Then it gets worse, right as he jumps a warm up oxer some girl trots into our landing area about 2 strides after the jump and we nearly broadside them. He is greatly upset by this. So much so that he's now nearly stopping, and so we switch to a vertical off the other direction and then he does start stopping. We're mins away at this point from going in the ring and my friend who's helping me and I have a healthy debate, do we scratch him or not?  I was able to get him over the vertical and my thought is that on course he's typically very professional, it's the warm up that's bugging him. So we decide to try. We stroll into the ring and I say a couple prayers and try not to think about the enormous oxers that are waiting for me. In my mind I have all the facebook feedback from the day before and it's becoming clear that a sports psychologist would be a great idea. I kick off to the first and am gleeful as he sails over it. Then we loop back to #2, and I am relaxed as it's just a vertical. Well....to Cudo it wasn't 'just a vertical' it was in some way worth stopping at. UGH (*^&^#)(()*YY&*^%$$)!!!! SH**!!!! So I know I am not eligible for the speed with a stop so I compose ourselves and get him going back to it. This time I am ready to go and screw it, we are GOING!!! We miraculously make it around but I would very much like to get to digging that hole and hiding in it at this point. But it is better than yesterday's round with a stop and two rails, so progress is being made.

Video is here:  https://youtu.be/0927hCUiXSQ

But I am thrilled I entered him in the 1.15 because I know he really needs it and even better we have a plan. We have a great simple course and no one in the warm up area. It's only 15 mins after the other class so I do a very light warm up, jump 2 verticals and go. And within 2 fences I have my horse back. The ears are pricking instead of cocking back and he's feeling good. I am happy and we're hitting all the fences in stride. I could care less where I am and I am talking to him praising and petting him as we're going. He finishes nicely and is clearly beaming full of confidence again. I am thinking that maybe I don't need the hole just yet!!!

Video of the round is here: https://youtu.be/8jGzjR1CQDc

So we're done and bored by 11:30 and we find a bar that's open at the show so I bask in a half of a bloody mary. This is the hard part because now I am over thinking. I go watch the grand prix that afternoon and I am feeling a bit better when rails and stops happen to the good riders. I am starting to realize that this is the game. That all these things happen to everyone at all levels and though I am winging it alone, all these other folks who spent 6 figures+ and have 2 trainers also have crap days. And they spent WAY more on their crap days than I did. LOL

So Saturday dawns and we have to wait for our class. It is going off at 1:15 and my ride time is around 3:30. 51 horses in the class and I am determined not to go down without a fight. We have improved each round and damnit I want to be better than the round before. I did get up early and left everyone behind at the hotel as I went to the barn to do morning chores and feed Cudo. He is looking well, has clearly slept a TON given how his sheet is covered entirely with shavings, on both sides and even better he's playing with me and nudging me for cookies. I will admit that in the 20 minute ride from the hotel I was crying to the music playing from my "get pumped" playlist. Not sad tears but rather the GET UP OFF YOUR ARSE AND SHOW THEM YOU ARE a force for the future. I wanted to ride better at such a great venue and I feel like I let the atmosphere go against me rather than to encourage me to rise to the occasion. (Sports psychologist...ASAP)

We made a new plan at dinner the night before and we cemented it when we went to walk the course. The ring where he did his 1.15 class is empty and there are now 2 collecting ring areas we can use. We are going to keep him as alone as possible in the other collecting ring and not going to jump any big oxers (in terms of height) in the warm up. We will jump overly wide oxers, but not high. We will jump a high vertical. Goal is only 5 warm up jumps and we're not getting him started at all before we are 5 away from going. So fast and quick warm up with the goal of getting him as ready as he likes. And it worked!!!

No spooking, no issues and he goes into the ring eyes bright and ears pricked. I have watched 17 rounds between the Juniors and the early part of my class. I LOVE the course. I mean I could feel my mojo as I watched and walked it. And I have a game plan and we know where to do what. He's good galloping down to the oxer at #1 and sails over it clearing by multiple inches, We do the turn to number 2 and I accelerate as planned as the time has been running very tight. Up and over fence 2 on the first try! (First time this weekend at this height) and we ride to #3 and I nip the reins a touch (I think) and he drops the front rail. I am bummed but determined to ride as well as I can over the whole course. 4 comes up a hair short but he jumps around. We do the rollback to #5 which while it rides easy is a pretty good sized 1.25 oxer. I knew that already but Cudo made the decision to give it some extra room because when we landed I was acutely aware that more gravity was involved than just a 4'1 oxer would merit. Pics confirm he added about 5" to it. LOL. It was 8 strides to a 2 stride on the outside rail and I asked him to step up a bit, but in so doing realized his monster stride was going to get us too close to 6A. So I kind of waited a hair and we ballooned up and over it, but it actually made the 2 stride more rideable. Around the turn at the in gate end of the ring to the liverpool vertical and I was shortening my reins and for a second got my whip stuck out so we had a slight unintentional left to right leg yield, so we angled that jump. Down to a big oxer and I guess I was thinking I was at Aachen and my knee pinched and I proceeded to get my spur stuck briefly in my stirrup with it sticking him in the side through takeoff. Whoops. Sorry bud. Then we had a vertical on a slight bend and around the turn to a line on the outside rail. I managed to get the 5 strides and rode through the 1 stride well. One vertical to go, the same one he stopped at the day before, and I thought I felt him eyeball it but I growled at him and he sailed it. We finished with 1 rail, INSIDE the time by under a second and change and I couldn't have been prouder. He came out and showed up and did a fantastic job. We finished 34th out of 50 horses, which was just in the top 2/3rds of the class. I was just thrilled that we didn't bring home a cricket score!

The sad part is the video of this round may have been lost/corrupted. As we speak the video company is trying to fix things. I haven't heard much but I am hoping against hope that we can get to see it. I know I need to see the ride and I want to see the things he did underneath me. So our fingers are crossed. 

Summary: I am beyond thrilled with my horse and honestly myself. We got kicked around a bit and had to really figure things out. This time it was Cudo asking me for confidence and not the other way around. I love that he trusted me enough to go when I told him "I believe in you, you can do this."  I do think it's important to go face the really good riders who compete at this level weekly and see where we measure up. And I did so intentionally on the edge of winter so I could start to think about what I want to improve on and how and who to get some education from as we look to 2019's season and an eventual return to face the big boys and girls again in June or so to once again see how we match up.  

I know more than ever that he's the horse of (10) lifetimes. He's beyond amazing even on a sucky day and I am still so grateful for all the H&H forum help I received that eventually led to him coming to be mine. 

I thank anyone who has read all this. LOL. Sorry I had a lot to say I guess. But this thread is very cathartic for me as well. 

I will post pics on Cudo's Facebook page here soon. 

Hope you have a great rest of the Sunday. 

~Emily

Unbridled Lad 2/12/2000 - 8/30/2018

Dear Lad, 

I am writing to you in Heaven to thank you for a lifetime of love that will be hard to match. 

Fourteen years and 20 days ago we met at Leonard Dunne's barn. It was love at first sight and he'd asked me to help him find a sport horse home for you. I'd said I would share you around to a few friends. I'd lied... I never did (Sorry Leonard. LOL) I worked hard to sell the horses I had at the time and bought you the first chance I got after you ran in November of 2004. This album is framed by the first picture being the first picture of the two of us ever taken. And the last picture is the last picture of the two of us ever taken. In between is a snapshot of a long and memorable life together.

Initially I was going to make you an eventer but that plan got waylaid after Rob Bailes sent me to Belmont Park. You had to come too, so instead we turned you into a steeplechaser. At Belmont you were my pony, who just happened to gallop 2 miles 6 days a week, and when the point to points started I sent you to Virginia to run and be trained down there. Simon Hobson trained you the second year and Gregg Ryan always rode you. Linden Ryan likely still has memories of your hooves being at eye level as she also went over hurdles next to you. You were a fabulous horse, just not a fabulous racehorse and we moved onto eventing after you'd had enough.

You got to live with a donkey at Sue Griefer's barn and then goats at Maura O Ruffing's. You evented well, but I was a bucket of nerves and my life was getting busy at my farm job. It's hard to believe that when you were 9-10 that I got burnt out enough at my job that I couldn't find the desire to ride you. Thankfully my friend Holly stepped in and brought you down to ride with her for a while. Then you went to Kristin Rene Gratz's barn and after that we let Amy Phillips at Oldfields School borrow you for a bit too. But miraculously I changed jobs and found the desire to ride again.

So we moved you to Great Scott Farm with Lindsay Langan and Connor Langan. We all loved living there and got back into showing, specifically jumpers, which I have always loved. And at this we were competitive. More so in the Thoroughbred Shows. We would go on road trips and take on Karen Benson, Terry West, Sasha Moran Reinhold, Olivia Stanley, Bethany Kilby and so many more fun Tb folks. You kicked ass and laid the ground work for the success that I'm having now. And you tried to jump me off a time or two!!!

Eventually you started to slow down and we let Petey and the young guys go to the shows and you gave John Salvaggio a few rides and helped me to teach lessons to Tyra Wiegers, Shannon Bristow and gave some fun rides to Jeanne Wood and others. You did a great job at everything. Including bringing home a few hunter ribbons. At some point we wondered if you wanted an easier job and we leased you to Becky Turner who did Pony Club stuff. That was great until you went lame out of nowhere. Liz Arbittier worked hard to find answers but nothing easy was found and so you came home, but now home was 10 mins away turned out with Rose Nolen-Walston. And as a result you FINALLY got to live with mares. Something you'd always wanted.

After a while we thought you might be able to do something and through Yvonne Lucas we connected with Alison Teetor and you went to Virginia to help her and her hubby to trail ride.

Last fall you came home (to Rose's) for good. We gave you a really nice warmblood mare to live with and a TON of grass.

Today you told us it was time to call it a life. I won't lie I didn't want to agree. But in your usual loving way you licked my hand and told me I would be ok, after eating the 2lbs of mints I brought you. I told you to find a foal's body (with good breeding that I'd like) and become it's soul. Make sure you live for peppermints again and I promise, I'll find you.

I can tell stories about you forever and I probably will. Just to keep you alive in my heart and in my mind. Outside of my family you were the longest and most consistent thing in my life ever. No dog of mine has lived this long, I have never lived in one place this long, I have never held a job, or loved 1 man (yet ;) ) this long. You were such a huge part of my world and me that I know only that I won't let your memory fade. I need it to guide my future with all the challenges to come.

Thank you for choosing me. Thanks for biting me on our first day together and for knocking me in the head today. Go find your mom and dad and one day maybe we will meet again. Until then, be well my love.

Em

A recap of the USHJA Zone 2 Jumper Team Championships

This was a long show and I am still a bit tired, but overall extremely "Chuffed" (I think that's the English word) with Cudo as a whole.

To summarize this was our competition schedule and events each day:

Thursday: Had to be at grounds by 11 for check in for the Team competition. Did a 1.10m open round just to get him in the ring. You won’t believe this, but I was thrilled with him. It was a good round, though intentionally slow, so I had 9 time faults and then I thought I we were jumping off for a medal of some kind and tried to slice fence 9 that just really was way too extreme of a line, so we had a silly runout. But I stayed on and re-jumped it so all was fine. Honestly the round gave me a ton of confidence in the weekend as a whole.

Video is here: https://youtu.be/I7R6HU2Cj7k

Friday: We had the jog at 12pm (on a ring surface instead of packed anything) and that went fine.

Video here: https://youtu.be/bhOhqoV0NWI

Friday afternoon we had our first class for the Team champs and it was a Table Section 1 class which is a speed class. No faults converted though, so if you pull a rail you have 4 faults and your time. The goal being to go clean and fast as the time for this first class would decide any ties after the last round on Sunday. And boy did Cudo take that seriously. I have watched the video and I see points where we could have gone faster but we did a solid round, solid enough to sit in 2^nd out of 17 riders.

Video here: https://youtu.be/ZfFejuQv_IY

Saturday: We had “team day.” This consisted of 2 rounds over the same course with no speed component in the 2 rounds. Just Table 2 courses, which means go in do the course inside the time with no faults. (Basically Eventing Show jumping style) The kicker was coming back and doing it a second time once they had seen the track and doing it clean again. I had a fantastic team of 3 other lovely ladies. 3 of us had been in the top 6 of the first round so there was some hope that we might be able to be competitive.  We went in and amazingly produced clear rounds with all but 1 of our horses so we were standing on a score of 0 with our drop score. Cudo and I had jumped last and so the Chef asked if I was comfortable being the jump off rider to jump for the gold and silver. 1 rider from each team tied for a medal placing had to jump off for the medal. I went first and I honestly was just a tick slow. Not really intentionally, but I can see on video where I was not ‘going’ as much as normal. We did our jump off in 37 seconds and the other rider managed to beat me and get a 35 second round. But still we earned the silver medal out of a total of 4 teams.  And 3 rounds and 1 jump off in, Cudo and I were still holding second with a score of 0. It was a good day!!!

Video of round 1 here: https://youtu.be/doZPxeGg0q0

Video of round 2 here: https://youtu.be/_bJs1pIkpU4

Sunday:  We had our last individual round. 1 round just clear and inside the time. The times from Friday’s speed rounds were going to determine the individual placings if we all were still on a 0 score. Reverse order of standings meant that I went second to last. I was nervous but not in an “I can’t do this” way but more in that the law of averages and being able to jump another clear was wearing on me. I typically make mistakes… I mean we all do in subtle ways, and I am still figuring him out. But I did walk the course when the ring was set for their Grand Prix so when it was actually put down to 1.15 and I walked it again I was laughing. 1.40-1.45 actually didn’t look bad. I kind of want to head that way and I think Cudo could do it too. 😊 I tried to use what I knew from jumping stadium at the old long format 3 days. I knew he was tired and I didn’t do a lot. I did a bit of stretching while off his back and worked long and low before jumping only 5 warm up jumps. The girls in 4^th and 3^rd had gone clear. I had to go clear to stay in second and I doubted seriously that the horse in first would touch anything. So I went in and set off. 1 and 2 were good 3 was nice, and he sailed over 4 but was sucking back as he gave a big look at 5 and added a stride. He did an ugly bunny hop and left 5 up so I got after him and pushed him forward through the rollback turn to the triple at 6abc. He went through that fine even with the forward distances but then my most common problem emerged again, I didn’t get my reins back quite enough and didn’t half halt as much as was needed on the way to the style fence at 7 and I knew it had a feather touch top rail and sadly we took it down with a good clunk. I groaned internally but then tried to fight out the rest of the course to keep it to just 4 faults. Cudo, per usual, hates hitting fences and was careful the rest of the way. The in and out at 10ab wasn’t pretty but we got it done and by 11 and 12 he was back to sailing the jumps in his typical style. And then like all shows, it was done. I couldn’t get the rail back, all that was left was to thank my horse for helping me along and to learn from these moments so that in the future we will make it on the podium instead of being relegated to 5^th place. We had a fun time in the victory gallop and I got off his back and promised him even more treats.

Video here: https://youtu.be/hHTP3Hi6mFM

We cooled out and bathed him and indeed stuffed him full of stud muffins and apple flavored treats. Then we had to pack up and go home. And then we were home, he was out in the field and I was a rider staring at a pink ribbon kicking myself for what might have been. It’s not a big deal, this isn’t our true goal but you all know… you get to thinking of how cool it would be to win or be placed high and when it doesn’t come to fruition, well there’s that moment of being bummed.

Today I am better and so appreciative of my big boy. He is getting a pulsing treatment this am to help with those undoubtedly sore muscles and we have a show (only 1 or 2 classes) a week from today on Labor day. It’s a local unrecognized mini prix set at 1.25. I’ve always watched but never had the horse to ride it. So this time we’re in and then the next show isn’t until Sept 27^th, so Cudo will get a week’s break and then fire up again. He’s getting 3 days off this week, well timed with a heat spell, and then we’ll go into the Monday show gently.

Emily

The Rest of the Story

So I think the time has come to talk about the reason that I have Cudo now and to answer maybe a question that some could have who regularly follow my Facebook page, “Where is Gin?” Well the short answer is that Gin is safe and sound fat and covered in mud in my barn with my other geldings. But that’s not the full story. I think that everyone who reads my page knows that I want to put it all here and be forthright and talk about the downs as well as the ups.

So back in the fall some may remember that at Devon Fall horse show, Gin finally got a clear round on Sunday. It was that clear round that made me start looking back at all the 1 or 2 rail rounds and wondering what was causing all the rails, beyond my simple mistakes of course. It just seemed odd that a clearly talented horse could jump clean all day at home but rails were happening elsewhere. Now I fully believed it was all my doing. But to be sure we decided to keep better notes and have our vet out to check him. When the vet was out the week of our next show, we found a very slight hind end soreness and decided since it was so slight to go on to the show in Upperville that weekend and see if it improved or worsened and have a recheck on Monday thereafter. But additionally, we saw something else… on your basic neuro exam he was just a tick off on the crossing of his hind legs and he scuffed his toes walking down a hill with his head held high.

Now life and work don’t often converge but as I am the administrative assistant for the neurologist at New Bolton I have heard these stories before. I was worried and all the things I have in my knowledge started building things up to fear the worst. We went to Upperville and the show was lovely but our rounds were nightmarish. The rails fell like dominoes and the little successes were overshadowed by this looming worry of what was really wrong with my unicorn? We came home and did our follow up exam and while the slight lameness had improved, the repeat neuro was ever so slightly worsened. To be very clear the level of what we’re talking about was never worse than a 1.5 on the scale out of 5. He’s not a stumbling messed up horse, but nor was he right. I followed my own advice that I have given a lot and I took him in to work. He came with me and while I was fielding calls he was getting our full neuro workup. Thankfully I have almost all my horses insured and the insurance company was on my side and doing a great job explaining what to look for and what tests to do.

After spinal taps, c spine(neck) xrays and another neuro exam what we know is that it’s very mild neck arthritis and not at all related to EPM or Lyme disease. There’s a lot we could do in the form of cervical neck injections and some medicines, or we could wait and see. So I chose to first give him rest and see if that changed anything. 2 months of rest later we did another neuro exam. His symptoms (the leg crossover and scuffing) were much improved. And in it’s own way that tells a bigger story. Without the workload we’d been doing Gin was physically better. My vet and I talked and though it breaks my heart on so many levels we decided to retire him down to only doing lower level things. So while I love him and only want the best for my special guy I won’t be conquering the big fences with Gin anymore.

If that wasn’t enough the situation in November at my barn was this; Gin was now retired, Beau had  not yet come fully sound from his bone bruising, Lunar was sound but was having issues with enjoying any type of work, and poor Max received a new splint (from Lunar) right as he had healed from the first one. It’s an understatement to say that this was a low point in my riding life. I do believe however that fate and life works like a bank account. That you have great days and you have horrible days. The good and bad must co exist to have even a semi normal life. With this much ‘bad’ going on I thought, “What if this is the amazing low that mixes to balance with an even more amazing high?” I thought about it long and hard and then basically figured I was making up things in my own head due to the fumes of horse urine. LOL.

 I have amazing friends. I have an amazing husband and I learned so much about myself mucking 4 stalls a day for my boys who still needed all of their life elements while they couldn’t really give anything back to me competitively and who I couldn't really even ride. They gave back in small ways that reminded me that life isn’t about all things showing. Gin makes funny head tosses before meals, Lunar is a wiz with tossing halters, Beau likes to be scratched on his withers and will play with his lip while you scratch, Max is enjoying the spoiled life of deep straw stalls and a view of all our resident turkey buzzards.  Life went on. It was winter anyway, a really cold one at that and they’re a family to me no matter what.

When I went to Europe to see Terri I looked at some horses for sale. I’d talked to John a bit and I kind of figured it this way. I wasn’t too seriously thinking I would get something but if I didn’t look at an imported warmblood I wouldn’t know what was out there. I knew I couldn’t afford anything here already. The prices are ungodly, I just can’t swing those numbers and afford to live. So I found and loved a nice Irish horse and then he failed the vet, in grand fashion. “There you go, it wasn’t meant to be” I figured. But some part of me was a little more tenacious and I subtly kept looking. I joined I think every sale group in England, Ireland and many other countries that I could find on Facebook.  And through that came Cudo.

Cudo is amazing. Everything a girl like me could ask for and about 100x more. But then there’s Gin standing in his stall, morning and night nickering at me, gobbling down treats and nudging me to go for a ride and if I’m honest I will say that I cry a fair bit still for what was probably the best decision of my life, to stop. I think things would be better if he could go do something with someone, even low level hunters, jumpers, trails etc, his vets have said he’s fine at that level and I think he could be an amazing partner still, just for someone with less lofty goals. There are many ribbons he can still win and I am on the lookout for a worthy person who would be interested in leasing him with full disclosure of all the things we know. He will always be mine and will always have a home, but if he could brighten someone else’s career a bit I think the best gift I can give is to allow him to still play and enjoy the life he embraced so fully. He loves the crowds and is convinced all the applause is for him!

Beau still isn’t right and I’m hoping he will be one day, but bone bruises are very tough. Max is getting ready to come back into work and Lunar….well hopefully I can find what he wants to do. I haven’t got the ability to give up, even though dozens of folks have said I should. LOL.

So there you have it, 5 months later I was able to talk a bit about it all. Hopefully it all makes some more sense. The life of an equestrian is never easy and my challenges are no more special or difficult than what all the folks around me have had to conquer. I just wanted to share so I could finally let it all out and stop being afraid of telling the world that my lovely boy was technically imperfect. He will never be less than perfect in my own eyes and that’s really all that matters.