So I think the time has come to talk about the reason that I
have Cudo now and to answer maybe a question that some could have who regularly
follow my Facebook page, “Where is Gin?” Well the short answer is that Gin is
safe and sound fat and covered in mud in my barn with my other geldings. But that’s not the full
story. I think that everyone who reads my page knows that I want to put it all
here and be forthright and talk about the downs as well as the ups.
So back in the fall some may remember that at Devon Fall
horse show, Gin finally got a clear round on Sunday. It was that clear round
that made me start looking back at all the 1 or 2 rail rounds and wondering
what was causing all the rails, beyond my simple mistakes of course. It just
seemed odd that a clearly talented horse could jump clean all day at home but
rails were happening elsewhere. Now I fully believed it was all my doing. But
to be sure we decided to keep better notes and have our vet out to check him.
When the vet was out the week of our next show, we found a very slight hind end
soreness and decided since it was so slight to go on to the show in Upperville
that weekend and see if it improved or worsened and have a recheck on Monday
thereafter. But additionally, we saw something else… on your basic neuro exam
he was just a tick off on the crossing of his hind legs and he scuffed his toes
walking down a hill with his head held high.
Now life and work don’t often converge but as I am the
administrative assistant for the neurologist at New Bolton I have heard these
stories before. I was worried and all the things I have in my knowledge started
building things up to fear the worst. We went to Upperville and the show was
lovely but our rounds were nightmarish. The rails fell like dominoes and the
little successes were overshadowed by this looming worry of what was really
wrong with my unicorn? We came home and did our follow up exam and while the
slight lameness had improved, the repeat neuro was ever so slightly worsened.
To be very clear the level of what we’re talking about was never worse than a
1.5 on the scale out of 5. He’s not a stumbling messed up horse, but nor was he
right. I followed my own advice that I have given a lot and I took him in to
work. He came with me and while I was fielding calls he was getting our full
neuro workup. Thankfully I have almost all my horses insured and the insurance
company was on my side and doing a great job explaining what to look for and
what tests to do.
After spinal taps, c spine(neck) xrays and another neuro exam
what we know is that it’s very mild neck arthritis and not at all related to
EPM or Lyme disease. There’s a lot we could do in the form of cervical neck
injections and some medicines, or we could wait and see. So I chose to first
give him rest and see if that changed anything. 2 months of rest later we
did another neuro exam. His symptoms (the leg crossover and scuffing) were much
improved. And in it’s own way that tells a bigger story. Without the workload
we’d been doing Gin was physically better. My vet and I talked and though it
breaks my heart on so many levels we decided to retire him down to only doing lower level
things. So while I love him and only want the best for my special guy I won’t
be conquering the big fences with Gin anymore.
If that wasn’t enough the situation in November at my barn
was this; Gin was now retired, Beau had not yet come fully sound from his bone
bruising, Lunar was sound but was having issues with enjoying any type of work,
and poor Max received a new splint (from Lunar) right as he had healed from the
first one. It’s an understatement to say that this was a low point in my riding
life. I do believe however that fate and life works like a bank account. That
you have great days and you have horrible days. The good and bad must co exist
to have even a semi normal life. With this much ‘bad’ going on I thought, “What
if this is the amazing low that mixes to balance with an even more amazing
high?” I thought about it long and hard and then basically figured I was making
up things in my own head due to the fumes of horse urine. LOL.
I have amazing
friends. I have an amazing husband and I learned so much about myself mucking 4
stalls a day for my boys who still needed all of their life elements while they
couldn’t really give anything back to me competitively and who I couldn't really even ride. They gave back in small
ways that reminded me that life isn’t about all things showing. Gin makes funny
head tosses before meals, Lunar is a wiz with tossing halters, Beau likes to be
scratched on his withers and will play with his lip while you scratch, Max is
enjoying the spoiled life of deep straw stalls and a view of all our resident
turkey buzzards. Life went on. It was
winter anyway, a really cold one at that and they’re a family to me no matter what.
When I went to Europe to see Terri I looked at some horses
for sale. I’d talked to John a bit and I kind of figured it this way. I wasn’t
too seriously thinking I would get something but if I didn’t look at an
imported warmblood I wouldn’t know what was out there. I knew I couldn’t afford
anything here already. The prices are ungodly, I just can’t swing those numbers
and afford to live. So I found and loved a nice Irish horse and then he failed the vet, in grand fashion. “There
you go, it wasn’t meant to be” I figured. But some part of me was a little more
tenacious and I subtly kept looking. I joined I think every sale group in
England, Ireland and many other countries that I could find on Facebook. And through that came Cudo.
Cudo is amazing. Everything a girl like me could ask for and
about 100x more. But then there’s Gin standing in his stall, morning and night
nickering at me, gobbling down treats and nudging me to go for a ride and if I’m
honest I will say that I cry a fair bit still for what was probably the best
decision of my life, to stop. I think things would be better if he could go do
something with someone, even low level hunters, jumpers, trails etc, his vets
have said he’s fine at that level and I think he could be an amazing partner
still, just for someone with less lofty goals. There are many ribbons he can
still win and I am on the lookout for a worthy person who would be interested
in leasing him with full disclosure of all the things we know. He will always
be mine and will always have a home, but if he could brighten someone else’s
career a bit I think the best gift I can give is to allow him to still play and
enjoy the life he embraced so fully. He loves the crowds and is convinced all
the applause is for him!
Beau still isn’t right and I’m hoping he will be one day,
but bone bruises are very tough. Max is getting ready to come back into work
and Lunar….well hopefully I can find what he wants to do. I haven’t got the
ability to give up, even though dozens of folks have said I should. LOL.
So there you have it, 5 months later I was able to talk a
bit about it all. Hopefully it all makes some more sense. The life of an
equestrian is never easy and my challenges are no more special or difficult
than what all the folks around me have had to conquer. I just wanted to share
so I could finally let it all out and stop being afraid of telling the world
that my lovely boy was technically imperfect. He will never be less than
perfect in my own eyes and that’s really all that matters.
